Today marks three weeks into the semester and I am overwhelmed and about ready to give up. Today is the first football game. I can hear fireworks from my apartment. Hope the Devils are winning. But I don't feel like I'm winning in school.
The last two semesters I worked so hard that I had no social life and I got all A's, but it seems like it's never going to pay off. All I hear in school and read about is that a Master's degree is the new undergrad. Come on! I can never quite catch up to where I should be in life and now the bar is being set even higher. I feel like that challenge is out of my reach. I have been in school on and off for 10 years. There has to be an end to this madness. Just because the economy is in the toilet, does not mean that I now have to get a Master's. I don't wish to. I went back to school by choice, but have lost the enthusiasm. I feel like my best is never good enough and the next day I don't try as hard and may not be giving my best anymore. How do I get out of this funk? It's awful.
Last spring when I was having trouble with a class, I'd go to see the teacher or a tutor. It made me feel smarter and more motivated. I have been in touch with all of my professors this semester and it doesn't reassure me at all. I feel like I will never get the hang of certain programs or speaking Spanish. So why even try? I know you probably want me to shut up by now. This feeling is just weighing me down. People keep telling me that I'm almost done. Then what? I feel like there is nothing to look forward to after I finish. My career path is uncertain and so am I.
I know I go to a great school, especially for my major. I just have trouble seeing myself in a profession where you are constantly judged by every aspect of your social media history. It's not just Facebook. Journalists like to dig into documents to find all the juicy details. And my past is not entirely clean. So how I see it there won't be a great job at the end of the Cronkite tunnel. Even if I made no mistakes, I just feel like it does not fit my life.
Maybe I am on a negative roller coaster that primarily heads downward with not enough turns and loop de loops to change my attitude. I don't know. But I find it difficult to care about succeeding in class when I'm the only one who cares about my grades. I don't know how to motivate myself to get over it and do this for me.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Day 1: The Start of New Rituals
The anticipation of a new semester woke me a few minutes earlier than my alarm did today. I laid in bed deciding whether to roll over for an extra five minute snooze or get up and squeeze in a quick run with Chopper before allowing my first day of school to begin. Chopper caught my glance, wagged his tail and stretched in preparation for a run. His enthusiasm convinced me. Probably the best decision I could have made because now, sitting in class, I am feeling great! I think this should become a new ritual before class that would allow me to spend some quality time with my pup, who doesn't understand why I must leave him for the entire day while I am in school.
He might not understand where I am or what I'm doing all day, but being back in school is very important to me. Now, I enjoy learning new things and setting goals for myself. Being motivated and organized can be rigorous, but what else do I have to do with my time? I took full advantage of relaxation this summer and now it's time to work just as hard as last semester. Finally, I feel that I am taking the right steps to adulthood. Yes, I know. I am already an adult, but I have been living the life of an extended teenager for too long. So as the days of taking it easy at the pool are vanishing, my to-do lists will be getting longer and more challenging.
I'm happy to report that I'm ready for the challenge! Bring it on!
He might not understand where I am or what I'm doing all day, but being back in school is very important to me. Now, I enjoy learning new things and setting goals for myself. Being motivated and organized can be rigorous, but what else do I have to do with my time? I took full advantage of relaxation this summer and now it's time to work just as hard as last semester. Finally, I feel that I am taking the right steps to adulthood. Yes, I know. I am already an adult, but I have been living the life of an extended teenager for too long. So as the days of taking it easy at the pool are vanishing, my to-do lists will be getting longer and more challenging.
I'm happy to report that I'm ready for the challenge! Bring it on!
Monday, August 15, 2011
It's Heating Up for Move-ins
Tempe is becoming more livelier as the temperature heats up! It's been a mild summer as compared to my four previous scorchers. And around town, the population remained low. Mill Avenue was a ghost town on most weeknights and a dust storm seemed to make an appearance at the same time each night. Even the weekends begged for more company to entertain us! We can only handle the bike cops cuffing homeless people and pot dealers on the daily for so long.
But now, it's official. Lot's of new people are in town and moving in as we speak! ASU is prepared with coned off parking areas and clear and concise signage right at the moment the newbie would begin to ask, "Where is it?". They have their act together this year. Maybe it's the extra tuition money, or the record number of times that Budget Rental trucks blocked off University Drive while students lug heavy furniture to their dorms.
Whatever it is... I like it!
It means that year after year the same problems occur with the move-in process of first time Sun Devils and the institution stepped up to prevent them this time. It's impressive. Good job, ASU.
Now, the question is... how long until the back to school madness occurs?
It may already have!
But now, it's official. Lot's of new people are in town and moving in as we speak! ASU is prepared with coned off parking areas and clear and concise signage right at the moment the newbie would begin to ask, "Where is it?". They have their act together this year. Maybe it's the extra tuition money, or the record number of times that Budget Rental trucks blocked off University Drive while students lug heavy furniture to their dorms.
Whatever it is... I like it!
It means that year after year the same problems occur with the move-in process of first time Sun Devils and the institution stepped up to prevent them this time. It's impressive. Good job, ASU.
Now, the question is... how long until the back to school madness occurs?
It may already have!
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